About Me

My first memory of being embarrassed was when I was 4 years old.

We had the police into our school on this day back in 1976.

They were recreating a road scene using child-size plastic vehicles.

They had cars, a truck, and an ice cream van. We could sit in the vehicles and move them with our feet, like a car from the Flintstones.

I was given the ice cream van to drive.

But after about fifteen minutes I really needed to go for a pee.

But I didn’t want to tell anyone. I stayed in the van trying to hold it in. But, the inevitable happened and I wet myself.

I remember as the pee started to leak out from under the ice cream van one of the police officers said: “looks like the ice cream has melted”!

And the whole class laughed.

I felt so embarrassed.

Right there, as I now look back, is where my shame and fear of public speaking begins.

An event that would stay deeply embedded, hidden from view causing internal struggle, for decades!

My mum said I was cute

At ten years old I was a striver. I liked to do well and get recognition and was in the higher level groups for many subjects. But that was about to change as I went to senior school aged 11. Still continuing with my natural personality to please and do well I was quickly met with bullies.

The Pain of Senior School Began

In short, I started to get bullied, a lot! And the more I tried to do well the worse the bullying became. It’s amazing now, looking back, how people will look to tear someone down when they feel inferior in some way. (albeit without them knowing that’s what is happening).

I would be constantly jibed through the corridors by two lads who took an immediate dislike to me.

I would be spat at and ridiculed.

I would return from a lesson to the cloakroom and my coat would be drenched in spit from these small few. We would all get the same bus home as we all lived on the same housing estate some 3 miles from the school and I would stand at the bottom of the stairs of the double-decker bus as they stood at the top of the stairs spitting on me.

I was too afraid to challenge them as I was only a small lad for my age.

I feared confronting them as I felt that would be worse than trying to ignore them. I hoped they would just get bored. But they did not.

So to counter this I started to engage less in class.

I started to actively underachieve and keep myself below the radar again hoping that my less-than-average performance would start to remove the daily terror I was facing.

Again, it did not! I was easy meat.

I was a small boy who didn’t stand up for himself.

A small boy who didn’t have the tools for a physical battle or the tools to manage my emotions.

After 7 months it was clear the bullying would not stop and the school was as good as useless.

So my parents decided to change my school...

…to one about 6 miles from home but with a better reputation.

I remember the worried look on my parent’s faces as I set off to this new school. It’s awful; as a parent to watch your child go through these things and feel helpless.

I remember even more their faces waiting for me to get home that day, wondering if they had made the right move and how I had got on, and their relief when I said:

“I loved it.”

The change of school was a good one! The peer group was much less hostile and this was a school that looked for people to do well.

Alas, for me, my school results would stay average.

The damage had been done without me even realising it.

I’d become a natural underachiever seeking the safety of being out of any limelight.

I did find some solace in a sport I’d loved since I was a toddler.

Snooker.

I could remove myself from the troubles and join a community of snooker players who were mostly older than me.

They treated me well and I was accepted. (for any American friends Snooker is a bit like 9 ball pool, just a bigger table, and more balls 🙂

My aim was always to turn professional and make a living at snooker but self-confidence would be my undoing and at 19 years of age, I had to give up my dream.

I just didn’t believe I could ‘make it’.

I didn’t have the emotional where-with-all to be successful.

If I had a choice between winning or being liked I would have chosen being liked!

Not exactly the ideal mindset for s future sportsman!

This would be a feeling that would affect my life and success for many years yet.

My Best Friend And My Girlfriend

When I was around 24 my girlfriend cheated on me with one of my best friends.

An affair that continued behind my back for many months.

We had been together for a couple of years but my lack of self-esteem would emerge once more.

Not only did I not handle it well I lacked the courage to confront the issue too.

I felt like such a weak pathetic fool!

Because he was a lot bigger than me I was too scared to face him down. Same as the school bullies!

One significant memory was sobbing my heart out alone in my parent’s house (as I had moved back in with my parents) and grabbing a bread knife.

I got my hands and knees and held the knife facing up on the floor and lowered my tummy onto it.

The plan was to just drop my body onto it and end this pain.

I just felt useless and worthless.

But I couldn’t do it.

What kind of scene would that be for my parents to come home and discover!?

I managed to pick myself up and spent months feeling like a sack of shit.

But slowly the pain subsided. It wasn’t gone.

As I would discover those scars stay buried ready to be triggered.

And they were in my next relationship.

These events, and hundreds of seemingly smaller events, comments, or opinions, started to shape who I’d become.

This is just a small sample of negative childhood events that stayed buried deep in my hidden mind, affecting my daily happiness and success without my knowledge, consent or ability to remove them.

Funny thing is, I don’t blame them at all now.

It took me until I was in my 40s to remove the damage they had done.

I cover that a little further down….

I was overweight, unhappy, and slipped into a depression.

After seeing out my 20s and half of my 30s seeking ways to numb myself using cigarettes and alcohol I hit rock bottom in 2007 aged 34.

I was overweight, unhappy, and slipped into a depression.

Let’s go back to the Spring of 2003. Where a new level of awareness began!

I Read a Book That Changed My World.

It was written by John Little about the philosophy of Bruce Lee. It was called ‘The Warrior Within’.

I’d be a Bruce Lee fan as a child, thanks to my Dad, and loved the martial arts.

But it wasn’t until later in life that I realised, his art was an extension of himself and his philosophies.

I read this book whilst sunning myself with my wife in Koh Samui, Thailand and I had light bulbs going off in my head like crazy!!!

I had never realised I was in charge of my life! ME!!

I was responsible and if I wanted things to be different ‘I’ needed to be different!

I know you’ve heard all this before, but keep reading as it’s going to become very different soon…

So I carried on reading books, listening to tapes, and intellectualizing the concepts.

But My Life Still Spun Out Of Control!

WHY?!

Damn this made me angry.

I read all the bloody books and tried to apply these things, but everything still seemed like hard work and it was still going wrong.

Depression hit and I quit life!

I’d just had enough. 7 business failures in 7 years, massive debt and misery, and with a 6-month-old son in tow, I checked out!

This was in 2007.

I couldn’t work so I stayed home, whilst my wife worked and I looked after our son at home.

My wife was amazing and kept us afloat. Though I did look after my son very well, I looked like crap!

More on that shortly.

How Bruce Lee Started This Whole Thing!

“The Ultimate Knowledge is Self-Knowledge”

“Better oneself, to defeat those barriers which limit our true self-expression”

These words from Bruce Lee stayed with me and impacted me more deeply than anything before or since.

It set me on a path for 20 years leading to this moment.

The Business Breakdown

I had some small successes with internet businesses over the years learning great foundations from respected experts like Ed Dale and Dan Raine.

Thank’s to these guys I had been able to stay working for myself since 2009 earning nicely and having lots of freedom.

In fact, they were the reason I had my 1st successes online.

Towards the end of 2013, I had a new internet business idea, one that I wanted to make me truly wealthy.

With a few investors in place, I was ready to go.

I started by hiring an excellent internet business coach – he had a reputation for his high-level coaching clients always succeeding and was an expert in building a virtual team.

So with his expert guidance, I knew success with a team of outsourced staff would be assured as long as I put in the work.

I started to build what I felt would be my big success.

He gave me daily guidance and mentoring and I followed the steps.

In no time I had a few remote staff and the website and foundations were set. Time to start promoting it.

But I hit a problem.

I got scared and my confidence dropped! And I didn’t know why.

I felt stupid so I didn’t convey this to my coach!

I pretended all was well and carried on doing tasks that avoided doing what he was telling me to do.

And sure enough, within a few months, with few sales, the money ran out and I had to stop coaching.

I lied to the coach about why I had to stop because I felt like a useless failure.

We were at the start of the summer of 2014 and now, I found myself on the verge of a breakdown.

I was lost and crumbling.

The investor’s money had gone and I had no idea what to do.

I phoned my wife one Monday afternoon telling her I couldn’t come home as I felt I was shutting down and that I didn’t want the kids to see me like this.

I was a wreck. My friend suggested I call the therapist I had been seeing for 2 years.

I gave the Therapist an S.O.S. and arranged a Skype video call for 7 pm that evening.

"The Therapist"

The backstory to the therapist. (it’s needed to complete the business breakdown story)

One afternoon back in early 2006, I saw one of my best friends, a man who had become like a brother to me.

He seemed different.

He was talking and behaving differently. He was calmer and more peaceful. Of course, I wanted some of that!

He explained the work he’d been doing with a therapist who was using hypnotherapy and psychotherapy to help him to sort out his issues.

So I asked for her number and it took me 3 weeks to finally call, but call I did…

I would have my session with the therapist, then talk to Dave on the way home about it every week for 2 years, with a small gap in the middle as I had run out of money.

Ironically as my depression hit.

Dave had already completed a year with her and was the experienced sounding board I needed.

He was able to “frame” things for me and also help me to stick with them, even when I wanted to run!

The therapist used all sorts on me!

Hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy, NLP, ETF or tapping, counselling, and audios.

She was also trying out lots of new ideas for me and has played a big part in where I find myself today.

Initially, I got used to the wonderful, yet lengthy process of digging into my history, including my childhood.

Finding an issue, bringing it up to the surface, and letting-it-go.

Then talk it over to understand it all. It was amazing!

I gained a sort of “Ph.D.” or “Masters Degree” by way of intense personal experience.

Then she applied the shorter and faster process she was working on, as her skill set increased even more.

It was definitely faster, but it still didn’t have an everyday foolproof way for me to know what demons or issues I still had, that were affecting my life, without needing her help.

The Business Breakdown Continued....

As I said above….

I phoned my wife one Monday afternoon telling her I couldn’t come home as I felt I was shutting down and that I didn’t want the kids to see me like this.

I was a wreck. Dave suggested I call the therapist.

I gave the Therapist an S.O.S. and arranged a Skype video call for 7 pm that evening. That was the longest 4 hours of my life as I sat in my office with the doors locked and with my head on my knees in total despair.

For the second time in my life, I contemplated suicide!

I got on the Skype video call.

We talked for 5 minutes and then she asked, “Where did I feel everything was?” I replied, “Around my throat and I’m shutting down. I can’t function at all!”

The therapist did something with me and within seconds, something happened that changed everything.

Over the next hour, I had 4 emotional releases by way of intense crying that lasted for about 2-3 minutes each.

The therapist explained that I was letting go of suppressed emotions linked to old memories buried inside me and hidden in my unconscious mind (boxes, as I now call them).

I was exhausted at the end.

I went home and could now function again.

I then slept for about 12 hours, then woke the next day feeling lighter but a little wobbly.

Within a few days, I was over it.

Like a new man!

I actually felt happy! It was crazy!

Over the next few weeks, I had 3 more events like this, but at home on my own.

One of them was removing the shame around my best friend and ex-girlfriend. It took me around 40 minutes to remove the deeply buried trauma they had created.

I knew I could let go and allow it to happen and I knew I would be OK.

It was all triggered by daily events or people’s behaviour.

This was my 1st clue to Deboxing and figuring out the code.

The Debox Method

So now I could begin figuring out how to identify my own baggage boxes and then rid myself of them.

Freeing myself to be happy.

Without anxiety, fear, or shame and live the life I wanted to…

So I owe the therapist and Dave a lot.

I am forever grateful.

But I parted company with the therapist at the end of 2014. We disagreed on some big things in the end.

The next part of my journey on my own.

What happened next was where Deboxing began and the 8-year obsession that developed this amazing method that we all seem to have inside of us.

If you remember the Hulk TV series from the 70s I was Dr.David Banner!

I was experimenting with myself to find the hidden baggage that plagued my life and ways to release it for good.

And I found the ways.

It was all about the triggers and being able to focus your emotions on them in a very special way that created a siphon effect on your emotional pain and trauma.

It was like emptying a box of negative crap and once emptied, the trauma was gone.

My need for anyone else to remove my emotional struggles was about over.

Best of all, it works for everyone else too. I don’t think anyone has actively investigated the true benefits of releasing suppressed emotions in this way before. It really can remove the negative effects of all emotional trauma, big or small.

Have a look around, watch the webinars and I look forward to helping you on your healing journey.

Jay Roberts.

Debox Method Founder