Overthinking, Ruminating, and Obsessing – The Unholy Trinity

overthinking, ruminating and obsessing

Ah, overthinking, ruminating, and obsessing –
the unholy trinity of repetitive thinking.


overthinking, ruminating and obsessing

As an emotional coach, I’ve seen plenty of clients who struggle with these three beasts, and let me tell you, they can wreak havoc on a person’s life.


So, what exactly are the differences between these three types of repetitive thinking?


Let’s start with overthinking. Overthinking is when you can’t stop thinking about a particular event or situation, and you analyze it to death. You go over every detail in your mind, trying to find hidden meanings or clues that might help you understand what happened. It’s like you’re stuck in a hamster wheel of thoughts, unable to get off.


Now, ruminating takes overthinking to the next level. When you’re ruminating, you’re not just thinking about a particular event or situation, you’re obsessively analyzing it, trying to figure out what you could have done differently. You’re filled with regret and self-blame, and you can’t seem to let go of the past. It’s like you’re stuck in a time loop, reliving the same experience over and over again.


And finally, we come to obsessing. Obsessing is when you’re fixated on a particular worry or fear, and you can’t seem to shake it. You’re constantly thinking about the worst-case scenario, and your thoughts and feelings become more intense over time. It’s like you’re stuck in a dark room, with no way out.


Now, I know what you’re thinking – “Thanks for the definitions, Jay, but how do these three things actually affect my life?”

Well, my dear reader, the negative effects of overthinking, ruminating, and obsessing can be significant. Let’s break it down:



First, let’s talk about relationships. When you’re constantly overthinking, ruminating, or obsessing, it’s hard to be present in the moment. You might be physically there, but your mind is elsewhere, stuck in a never-ending cycle of thoughts. This can lead to feelings of disconnection and frustration in your relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners.



Second, let’s talk about work or school performance. When you’re consumed by thoughts and feelings, it’s hard to focus on the task at hand. You might find yourself making careless mistakes or struggling to complete assignments on time. This can lead to poor performance evaluations, missed opportunities, and added stress.



And finally, let’s talk about mental and physical health. When you’re stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts and emotions, it can take a toll on your well-being. You might experience symptoms of anxiety or depression, such as fatigue, loss of interest in activities, and difficulty sleeping. You might also experience physical symptoms, such as headaches, muscle tension, and stomach problems.



Now, I know what you’re thinking – “Thanks for the doom and gloom, Jay, but how do I stop overthinking, ruminating, or obsessing?”



Well, my dear reader, I’m glad you asked. Here are a few tips for managing these three beasts:



  • Practice mindfulness: Okay, I know I said I wouldn’t talk about mindfulness, but hear me out. Mindfulness is simply the practice of being present in the moment, without judgment. When you’re overthinking, ruminating, or obsessing, your mind is anything but present. Practicing mindfulness can help you bring your attention back to the present moment, and reduce the intensity of your thoughts and feelings.
    A simple way to do this is to focus on something near you. Focus on the colours, the pattern, or details so you are in the present moment. This can sometimes help.





  • Challenge your thoughts: When you’re stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts, it can be helpful to challenge them. Ask yourself if they’re really true, or if there’s another way to interpret the situation. For example, if you’re ruminating about a conversation you had with a friend, you might be telling yourself that you said something stupid and that your friend now hates you. But is that really true? Maybe your friend didn’t even notice what you said, or maybe they appreciated your honesty. Challenging your thoughts can help you gain perspective and break out of negative thinking patterns. Sometimes we need to remove the unconscious baggage before we can manually talk ourselves around.



  • Practice self-care: When you’re struggling with overthinking, ruminating, or obsessing, it’s important to take care of yourself. This might mean getting enough sleep, eating nutritious foods, and engaging in activities that bring you joy. When you prioritize self-care, you’re giving yourself the tools you need to manage stress and cope with difficult emotions.



  • Seek support: Sometimes, managing repetitive thinking on your own can feel overwhelming. That’s okay – seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health coach can be incredibly helpful. A trusted friend or family member can provide a listening ear and offer perspective, while a mental health coach can help you release the emotions that are connected to these traits and that will naturally lead to developing coping strategies and working through underlying issues that may be contributing to your overthinking, ruminating, or obsessing.



So there you have it, my dear reader – the differences between overthinking, ruminating, and obsessing, and how they can negatively affect your life. Remember, managing these beasts takes time and effort, but with the right tools and support, you can break free from the cycle of negative thinking and live a more fulfilling life.

Childhood Belittlement? No Wonder You’re Feeling That Struggle!

childhood belittlement

Childhood Belittlement?
No Wonder You’re Feeling Fucked!

childhood belittlement

I am writing to you today, to address
a very important topic that has been a cause of concern for many years.

The issue that I would like to highlight is the negative impact
that being constantly put down as a child can have on one’s adult life.

As children, we are incredibly impressionable,
and the things that we hear from our parents,
teachers and peers can have a lasting impact on
our self-esteem and self-worth.
If we are constantly belittled, criticised,
or told that we are not good enough,
it can have a profound effect on our psyche.

One of the most significant ways in which childhood
belittlement can affect us as adults in our relationships.

If we have been told repeatedly that we are not lovable
or worthy of respect, we may struggle to form healthy
and positive relationships. We may find ourselves
attracted to people who treat us poorly, or we may
push away those who genuinely care for us, believing
that we do not deserve their love and attention.

In addition to affecting our relationships,
childhood belittlement can also impact our parenting.

If we have been raised in an environment where
we were constantly criticised or made to feel inferior,
we may find it challenging to parent our own
children in a positive and nurturing way.

We may inadvertently pass on the same negative
messages to our children, perpetuating the cycle of belittlement.

Lastly, childhood belittlement can also have a
significant impact on our success in a career.

If we have been repeatedly told that we are not
smart enough, not talented enough,
or not capable enough, we may struggle with
self-doubt and imposter syndrome, even as adults.

This can hold us back from pursuing our goals
and achieving success in our chosen careers.

Even if you have managed a successful career, has that been driven
by these embedded feelings of inadequacy? Has that now left
you lacking fulfillment despite your success?

In conclusion, the negative effects of childhood belittlement
cannot be overstated, but they can be undone.

It’s about acknowledging and processing our emotions in a healthy way,
so they don’t get trapped inside us and cause us harm.

And let me tell you, it’s fucking powerful.
(excuse my French but it’s how I talk in real life – you can take the boy out of Essex…. 😉

Here’s how it works:
you start by identifying the negative emotions that
are holding you back.

Maybe it’s shame, anger, or sadness.

Then, you find a way to release those emotions.
The important thing is to let those emotions out in a healthy way.

After you release those emotions, you start to
reframe your thoughts and beliefs about yourself.
Most of this happens naturally and some become
easier to override by changing your thoughts.
(It’s hard to change your thoughts when there’s too much unconscious baggage still)

You can start to see yourself as worthy,
capable, and deserving of love and respect.
And let me tell you, it’s a fucking game-changer.

With the Debox Method, we can let go of the
negative messages we internalised as kids and
start living our lives on our own terms.

We can form healthy relationships,
parent our own children in a positive way,
and pursue our dreams with more confidence and self-assurance.

So, if you’re struggling with the negative effects of childhood belittlement,
give the Debox Method a try.

It’s powerful, and it can help you break
free from the chains of your past and
start living your life to the fullest.

Start your journey to remove your childhood traumas – Get The Book Today. 


Psychology Today : Releasing Your Emotional Pain Is a Necessity

Releasing Your Emotional Pain Is a Necessity
If you repress pain long enough, it will show up in other ways.
Barton Goldsmith Ph.D.

build-up of negative emotions


When I first discovered the power of releasing emotions to
avert a nervous breakdown there was very little supporting
evidence in the world of psychology.


The only reference I found that got close to what I was discovering
was from a psychologist called Dr. David Hawkins
and his book called ‘Letting Go“.

As you can imagine it’s hard to convince people when you are
one of the only people talking about it.
But what’s now happening is it’s gaining traction.
The term Emotional Release is now being searched for
on Google thousands of times a month.


The movement is underway.

Then I find this article on Psychology Today.

“A study from the University of Texas found that by
not acknowledging our emotions we actually make
them stronger.

Anyone in the mental health field will tell you that
if you repress pain long enough, it will show up in other ways
and areas of your life. Repressing pain will also
hamper your ability to function the way you’d like,
and people who know you will notice.
It may also temporarily turn you into a jerk or a hot mess.

None of this is that complicated. We all understand
what it’s like to get overwhelmed, especially after t
he past two years. It’s been a difficult time,
making every loss and hurt that much harder to process,
so sometimes we just hold it all in, and not always on a conscious level.

Like I said, repressing your pain manifests
in other ways and places, like in your dreams
or your behaviors or even your ability to just
focus on a television show. Pain takes over,
so your normal routines and even your tried-and-true
defense mechanisms no longer work.
Maybe you can sleep for a few hours,
but the pain comes back as soon as you wake up.

So what can you do?

The pain won’t go away on its own—and ignoring it won’t help—so the only choice you really have is to deal with it.”


It then goes on to say…

Let yourself cry. Therapists will tell you that
this normal human action is one of the most healing
things you can do to release inner pain.
So when you feel the tears come up, just let them out,
as long as you are in an appropriate setting.
It may be helpful to have a friend with you or
on the other end of the phone.
That being said, some people prefer and get more out of crying alone.”


Repressing emotions or emotional pain
WILL come and bite you on the ass.
It may have already, or it’s looming in
the darkness ready to spike you when it’s triggered.

The world of Psychology is now talking about this
so I am no longer some lone wolf maverick fruitcake.

This innate natural healing ability is in all of us.

We just have to learn how to harness it. That takes
a little practice, sure, but what skills don’t?

The good news is no one ever has to know and
you don’t need to share anything with anyone.

Whether it’s just to clear your head, remove some pressure or
remove that deeply hidden trauma that you keep avoiding
but its pain continues showing in other ways, there is nothing
cheaper or simpler than releasing emotions the right way.


Jay ‘Debox Method’ Roberts

Ways I can help:

Get The Book – https://debox.co/debox-digital-book
Get The Course – https://www.debox.online/debox-course-297-offer
Book a Debox GamePlan Call With Jay – https://www.debox.online/game-plan-call-297